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NEW JOURNAL! [03 Mar 2005|05:00pm]

New Journal :

_____illusions_____illusions   _____illusions   _____illusions  _____illusions   _____illusions   _____illusions   _____illusions
but you're a jerk

[03 Mar 2005|03:15pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

My ears are still ringing. and I love it. Last night was AMAZING. Except for the fact that I could hardly see because of the height (damn) and the whole place smelled like sweat and pot, it was awesome. We were pretty close.. not way in the back or anything. There were SO many mosh pits though.. you would try to get out of one in front of you and end up in another behind you. There was one point where my toe got stepped on SO hard that I had to wiggle it to give myself the reasurance that it was still attached to my foot. Ellen decided she was going to crowd surf, which was awesome, I never pictured Ellen of all people crowd surfing. lol. I got a tee-shit of course =] Overall the night was just awesome. Today at school was a ho though. I didn't get home until 12:30 and I didn't fall asleep until like 1:30. I was so tired, and my throat is all worn and scratchy and stuff.. and everyone sounded like mice. Damn I love the used. OH YEAH! AS IF I FORGOT! I now have a new best friend named greg =] (i think he's gay... but I CAN'T tell.. and I felt rude asking) but he's a silly kid. =].
of course though nobody can replace my beautiful amanda marie chapman =]
<3
ps- I love Adam. Although his timing was a bit off....(darling.. it was over already!)

2 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

you're barely waking & i'm tangled up in you [01 Mar 2005|08:31pm]
[ mood | what is going on with me? ]

Thank jesus for snow days. Today consisted of relaxing. I woke up at five and couldn't fall back asleep. Then I finally fell asleep at six fourty-five which is when I would have had to get up anyway. I knew it was a snow day because my road was horrible, so I just went back to bed. Then I woke up at eight and layed in bed until nine. I went online a little later and talked to some people. But that feeling of wanting to just crawl somewhere and cry never left. I've been listening to Howie Day all day, and I must say I've gotten pretty attached. Anyway, all day I've been doing this thing where when I think about a certain person my stomach knots up and my eyes get watery, and then I feel like I have to puke, then I get sort of dizzy, and I have to listen to more Howie Day. This is horrible. Brittany isn't coming with us tomorrow anymore. She cracked and told her mom that we would be in Portland alone and here mom said she didn't want her going. I feel so bad now. I told her I would buy her something. I don't know if I'll have that much money.. but I'll try. Brittany I'm so sorry. Tomorrow is finaly wednesday. I've been counting down to this day for quite some time now. So shouldn't I be more excited?

This is killing me

Im done for today.
<3s

but you're a jerk

[01 Mar 2005|03:06pm]
The Used = Tomorrow !!!
2 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

Drama. School. Snow Day. The Used. [28 Feb 2005|04:04pm]
[ mood | drained ]

yesterday was quite the ending to my vacation. it started with be being content. Then some of this happened

and that's why Im wondering why you had to tell me whats going on in your headCollapse )

Then I talked to Michelle about it:

and got thisCollapse )

And then I felt like shit x a million and decided to be a butt-head and cried. again.

and then i got a little of this:

cause it's easy sometimes not to be sincere somehow i'll make you believeCollapse )

and decided it was time for bed.
except i couldn't sleep.
because i couldn't stop crying.
which was stupid.
the end.

then school was today.
and gretchen was right.
it was pretty much a ho.
i couldn't eat, i couldn't listen.
i hope it snows tonight.

the end. really.

4 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

I am horrible. [27 Feb 2005|07:11pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

what kind of horrible person am I? these last few entrys ive been all "oh blah i like him blah blah blah" but i never once took into consideration how my actions have been affecting them. i've been acting selfish and im sorry. this whole thing is my fault. and i really am sorry about it. i feel like shit now. seriously. i really am sorry.

2 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

ninety seven point five... again? [27 Feb 2005|04:44pm]
[ mood | what did i do wrong? ]

I.DONT.KNOW.YOU.
SO WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A CRAZY AFFECT ON ME?!
everytime i think about him i get these crazy butterflies and they DON'T go away. and i'm not one to get butterflies easy.. trust me. and then i get all pissed off because i feel like a failure or something because he doesn't feel the same way about me. and then that thought compleatly goes away and i get the INSANE butterflies again. whats WITH this? i don't even know the fucking kid and he's driving me to the brink of INSANITY. i can't even concentrate anymore... ugh. and guess what? he's reading this. and he's probably getting freaked out. but who cares.. it's not like it's lessening my chances with him any.. because it is compleatly impossible to lessen something that doesn't exsist. ugh x 10. why do i ALWAYS end up going for the crazy hard to get boys? i want to throw something. really bad. i just threw a box of tissues across the room. it was either that or the glass iced tea bottle next to me.. the iced tea would have been more relieving , but i would have regreted it because it would have made a large noise+ large mess and i don't feel like explaining anything to my mom and justine. which i would have had to do. i have a headache.
my girls got a 97.5. again. they got five points deducted because a back spotter wasn't watching her flyer. again. the forward rolls in the tumbling pass were compleatly off and had a messed up formation. again. they didn't listen to a thing we said before they took the floor. again.
maybe it isn't such a good idea for people i know to come to lewiston. they did however get first place, although they only compeated against two other teams, auburn who got like 95894854 points deducted for various reasons (cough stepping off that mat a billion times) and slut-faces team who sucked. and we only beat.. i think auburn by 1 tenth of a point. go us....
kevin called laurens cell while they were on the floor. who saw that coming? thank you. my words exactly right after our girls performed "lauren. check your missed calls. kevin probably called while we were up there" and he did. so she made me call him back while we were on our way home , and then she talked to him for a bit. it's time for them to go out now. seriously. anywho- then we decided that it was time for him and ryan to stop "not talking" so lauren called ryan and told him he needed to call kevin. and he said that they weren't fighting.. they just werent talking.. well thats the point smarty! it's time for them to be "buddies" again. he told us to go to the game tonight , but lauren couldn't because she didn't do her chores (lol) and i didn't want to go alone, ergo, my being here able to type this entry.
then i came home, and my wonderful mama had bought me a new straightener. god bless that woman. i can now wear my hair staight without having to fiddle with the curling iron for an hour trying to straighten it. ugh. thats uber annoying. i don't know if thats the right word to use there. lol. oh well. this is a very long entry.
and it's going to end now.
<3

but you're a jerk

[26 Feb 2005|06:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm fucking bored. today was so boring. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 4 days until the used. lyke woah. im mucho excited. i have something strange in my eye. my socks compleatly don't match, i've been wearing this tanktop around the house for the past four days and amanda just said "i like being a whore. it gives me a rush" lol. yeah. abby is asleep on my foot and i would very much like for her to move. except she wont. it's silent in my house except for the dishwasher downstairs and me typing. it's weird. my house is never this quiet unless im home alone, but even then i have a radio or tv going in every room because i get scared :-[ . it smells like boys cologne. weird. i have a hankering for a shower ..although i already took one today. and i need to get it through my head that this is not going to work out. and i need to move on. i really do. i'm such a clingy whore.
im going to take a shower now.
then im going to watch a movie.
then im going to go to bed.
<3
what a pointless entry.

6 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

back to school... [26 Feb 2005|03:06pm]
[ mood | sad ]

damn. vacation is almost over. i hate when vacation is almost over. it gives me this sad feeling that makes me say: "wow. i do not wish to go back to school. how much longer is it until next vacation?" and then i get all stressed out. but then the next thing i know it's the weekend and it's all better lol. but still, im in the stupid sad im-going-to-miss-vacation x a million stage. and it's white day when we come back. and i have to do my flip book thing for mrs radigan. damn flip book. i haven't even really started. i think thats the only homework i have though. i hope. i had a bagel today with strawberry cream cheese. yay for that. then i had some iced tea. and was happy. i was supposed to go to the hair party today.. except i didn't know where to go in carrys house.. and no one answered the door when i knocked.. so i went home. and now im updating with nothing really new to say. we have competition tomorrow at oxford hills. again. i hope they do better than last time. ugh. i just remembered how much i didn't like sqeezing on the bleachers at oxford hills last time. kim & lauren & i had like no room to sit. hopefully this time it will be better. i don't think the older divisions will be there. that = more bleacher space homie. i love that school. it's so cool on the inside. lol. next sunday is at lewiston. i expect to see some faces of people i know *cough cough*
ok. enough updating for me.
time to leave now.
<3

2 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

[26 Feb 2005|12:54am]
i hate how you're right.
i hate how i do want you.
i hate how this will never work.
9 may be stupidbut you're a jerk

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